"Unfortunately no one can be told how bad Matrix 3 is...you have to see it to believe it."
*In a deep Lawerence Fishburn Voice.
That, in essence, describes how bad, no how TERRIBLE, the third installment of the Matrix was. Words seem so inadequate to describe how betrayed I feel right now. But perhaps “quotes of the day” will help me explain. Here are the best of tonight’s “ANTI-MATRIX” quotes. We won't spoil the movie for you, except to say that it sucks. We only do that so you don't get you hopes up, like we did, and so you won't have you spirits crushed, like we did. It doesn’t really matter because you’ll go see it, because you can’t help yourself. But then you’ll know what I mean. And this shit will be a lot funnier.
-Adam “I want my ten dollars back” Conner
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
-Evan Haas, Adam Conner, Chris Miller, Alex P., Ali Shariat, Tim Kaldass, Derrik Newberry, Joshua Vogel...etc. all
Our reaction upon the credits rolling at the end of "The Matrix Revolutions."
"NO SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK?"
-The same kids. All of us. Reiterating our anger.
"Maybe it's not really over...wait...it is? WHAT THE FUCK?!??!"
-Adam Conner trying to comprehend what just happened.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!??!"
-Everyone who saw Matrix 3. or everyone who will.
"HA HA! WE HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY! SUCKERS!"
-The Wakowski brothers.
"TAKE HER EYES!"
-Will Hitchcock, at a certain scene...well if you want to know what scene scroll to the bottom so I don't spoil it.*
"Seriously I just want them to make a Matrix 4. It can just be 15 minutes of the Wakowski brothers apologizing. Like we were on drugs and shit."
-Evan Haas on why we need a Matrix 4.
"No, wait drugs would've made this movie better."
-Chris Miller on something obviously true.
"They just need to be honest. Look they drove a dumptruck full of money up to our house. You CAN'T SAY NO! You would've done the same."
-Adam Conner on the Wakowski brother's motivation.
"I've lost my faith in cinema. Only The Lord of the Rings can save me now."
-Adam Conner putting all of his faith on the savior movie, THE RETURN OF THE KING, DECEMBER 17th! Fucking sweet.
Aaron: cinema is not quite dead- although I think the Tupoc movie kinda put a round in the chamber for movie russian roulette
Adam: or "exit wounds" with ja rule and steven seagal. i never thought you could make steven segal look like marlin brando put him next to ja rule...
-Aaron Childers of VMI making his first apperance on "Quotes of the Day." Congrats Aaron.
Background: Adam and Evan are angry about the third Matrix. This will be a recurring theme in there conversations.
Evan: It's because the tears inside have transformed themselves in to bitter frozen shards in my cold cold heart.
Adam: it will be so long before you trust a woman, i mean a, movie again.
-Evan Haas and Adam Conner on a betrayl so deep that we thought only women were capable of it.
Travis: "So you're saying I should see a manitee?"
Travis: "Or matinee or however you spell it"
Adam: "Actually a manitee would probably be more entertaining"
-Travis Zander with a classic case of bad spelling, but honestly manitees are better actors then Keanu Reeves.
Adam: honestly a manitee wouldve been more interesting
Leah: hahahahahhaaaaa
Leah: the sea cow
Leah: ahahahahhahaaaa
Leah: that must have been bad
-Leah Fulton trying to comprehend how bad it was.
"yeah, or wait to make it a blockbuster night."
-Chris "Rez" Miller on the best advice for the Matrix 3 to give people.
"well kyle the "special" kid in out fraternity says its cool"
-Travis Zander with the only positive endorsement for the Matrix 3.
Adam: you know what?
Adam: i want to take the pill that lets me forget
Evan: the blue pill. i need one right now.
Adam: absofuckinglutely, i want to wake up and not remember this at all
-Adam and Evan with a classic Matrix analogy.
Adam: we should’ve been warned
Chris: yup
Adam: we should consider it our civic duty to warn people
Chris: lol
Adam: with signs and shit
-Adam and Chris on a way to spend our weekend. DAMMIT we just want our money back.
Adam: seriously
Adam: i cant tell if they tried to hard or if they stopped trying
Adam: and thats a bad sign
Matt: tried hard
-Adam Conner and Matt E. on just WTF.
"dude when you work to raise peoples expectations you are responsible when you don’t meet them."
-Me on the fucking wakowski brothers
"come on...at the end...arms all out to side...like jesus...all the light."
-Matt E. on the diety like presence of Keanu Reeves.
"When I think of Jesus I DO NOT picture Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves makes a terrible Jesus figure."
-Me again. You know what scares me? That Keanu Reeves PEAKED with Bill and Ted. He is NO JC.
"WWJD? NOT SEE THE MATRIX. And strike down Keanu for that whole false God thing."
-me again.
Evan: just.... wow....
Evan: the writing was SO bad
Adam: did they NOT run it by a test audiecne?
Evan: clearly not.
-Evan and Adam discussing the quote "dialouge" unquote. Yeah. My ass. Monkeys on typewriters would've done a better job. It's just like episode 2 of star wars with my same theory. SCI-FI WRITERS CAN'T DO LOVE.
Adam: remember "what is the matrix?" how about "how bad is the matrix?"
Evan: i almost need to go watch the first one to be able to wake up tomorrow
Adam: FUCK
Adam: and were going to dream about it too
Adam: FUCK
Evan: yeah i know
Adam: itll torture us in our sleep
Evan: i'll dream about it and wake up crying
Adam: just like the real thing
-The nightmares that will plauge us in the dream world. or the matrix world. or whatever the fuck world it is where i can't escape keanu's bad acting.
Adam: i feel like i was taken advantage of
Adam: like the wakowski brothers slipped me a rufeze
Adam: like they slipped me a blue pill
Adam: and snuck out in the morning
Alex: that's awful man
Adam: and i just woke up so confused in the morning
-Adam with a terrible, but oddly fitting, analogy. yeah im a bad person.
Leah: did you have high expectations?
Adam: you have no idea
Adam: SO MANY HIGH EXPECTATIONS
Leah: did they at least resolve things??
Adam: keanu reeves makes a terrible jesus like figure
Leah: haahhahaa
Leah: thats awful
-Leah Fulton and Adam Conner. JUST DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP.
Adam: there are few words to describe my feelings right now
Evan: i'm crying inside.
Adam: im so angry
Evan: i'm so sad.
Evan: i was so hopeful.
Evan: so hopeful.
Adam: this is what its like to have your heart destroyed
Evan: yes.
-Evan and Adam again. NEVER put you faith in a movie that stars Keanu Reeves. We know better now.
Evan: i'm reading reviews to make sure i'm not imagining what i saw
-No Evan, you weren't imagining it. It was real.
Aaron: I suggest seeing it again drunk- that almost worked for me with Gods and Generals
-AARON WITH THE BEST ADVICE ON HOW TO SEE THE MATRIX 3. *trust me you don't need a highly focused mind to understand it.
And an unrelated to Matrix, but Texas based quote. *evan is from texas. i being from NM and required to say FUCK TEXAS. but no hard feelings or nothing.
Adam: so how about "alamo" eh?
Evan: looks like an action movie
Evan: oh i'll see it.
Adam: its kind of like titanic in a sense, you know, because you know how it ends
Evan: please don't compare my states history to titanic.
Adam: at least they made the mexicans speak spanish
Adam: or english with an accent
Evan: english with an accent is more accurate in modern days, that's for sure
Adam: and then they were hired to clean up the remains of the alamo for less then minimum wage
Evan: exactly
-Evan and Adam with jokes only Texans/Westerners will understand. Hook 'em horns and shiznit.
BUT DON'T JUST TRUST OUR FIVE PAGES OF BITCHING! EXPERTS SAY THE SAME TOO!
"The Matrix Revolutions sucks."
-- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE
"I'm warning you: don't see this film--because whatever third movie you envisioned in your head, no matter how lame, has got to be better than this."
- Widgett Walls, NEEDCOFFEE.COM
"Watching the movie is sort of like finishing off a filet mignon dinner with Pop Rocks."
-- Phil Villarreal, ARIZONA DAILY STAR
"With The Matrix Revolutions, the Wachowski brothers have managed to pull off something nearly impossible. They've made a movie about the end of the world that leaves us entirely indifferent to the outcome."
-- Chris Vognar, DALLAS MORNING NEWS
all thanks to www.rottentomatoes.com
*WARNING: SPOILER BELOW
the scene where Trinity lays dying and a eyeball-less Neo holds her. Also home of the greatest dialouge ever.
Neo:"You can't die."
Trinity: "Yes I can."
