Guess who’s back? Back again? Adam's back...tell a friend. Adam's back, Adam's back, Adam's back...
That's right kids I'm back from spring break in fine form having survived all that Mexico threw at me...and then some. So here they are, the may requested and HIGHLY anticipated, SPRING BREAK QUOTES! BOOYAH! ENJOY!
Disclaimer:
The following quotes in no way implicate any of the following parties, and specifically Adam, to any wrong doing over the course of the 12 day odyssey that was spring break. Enjoy. Yes there’s a lot of quotes, but I live that kind of life. Indeed I had no idea there would be this many quotes, BUT I BESEECH YOU TO READ THEM ALL! ENJOY!
"Would it be a completely stupid question to have to go up to someone in an airport and ask them what city and state we're in?"
-Adam Conner upon the beginning of his uneasiness that something about the airport he and Chris Miller were in wasn't right.
Chris: "Excuse what city and state are we in?"
Stranger in airport: "Louisville, Kentucky."
Adam: "Shit. Chris where are we supposed to be?"
Chris: "St. Louis, Missouri."
Adam: "This isn't St. Louis, Missouri is it?"
Stranger in Airport: "No."
Adam: "Fuck."
-Chris Miller asking a question that seems retarded...until you discover you're not in the city or state you're SUPPOSED to be in.
"Will the passengers who accidently got off of Southwest Flight 1000 here in LOUISVILLE, please return to the plane so it can continue on to ST. LOUIS."
-The Louisville Airport Intercom system that declared we were idiots.
Adam to Waitress: "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's from the East."
Chris: "We have mexican food in the East. Taco bell and stuff..."
Waitress: "Yeah you have no idea. You’re clueless."
-Adam Conner and Chris Miller indulging in authentic by the border Mexican food.
"Wow I never thought I'd say this...but Chris is the whitest person in Nogales."
-Will, a Nogales Resident, current student at Northern Arizona University, and exceedingly WHITE, pointing out that Chris (black) in the company of Travis (white and wearing a sombrero) and Adam (asian and wearing aviator sunglasses) was the whitest among our traveling group. HA HA. Will said Chris walked like he was from New York and Chris was welling a suitcase down the dirt street of Nogales (US and Mexico side).
Travis: "Donde estas?"
Mexican dude: "No ingles. No habla ingles. No speaka english."
Chris: "Donde estas?"
Mexican dude: "Si! Guyamas!"
-Travis Zander, Mexican Dude, and Chris Miller demonstrating that Travis' spanish is SO bad that Mexicans don't understand it in the least
Taxi Driver: "Spring break?"
Adam, Chris, and Travis: "Si."
Taxi Driver: "You lika the girls?"
Adam, Chris, and Travis: "Si."
Taxi Driver: "Ahh...fucky fucky much!"
-Crazy ass Taxi Driver on our way to San Carlos (a 10km drive took him an hour cause he got lost)
Mexican Guy: "Do you speak Spanish? Habla espanol?"
Chris: "I speak a little. Pico."
(Massive and uproarious laughter from the assembled crowd of Mexicans)
Mexican Guy: (laughing really hard) Pico...pico means FUCK! You meant poco...little!
Chris: OH! POCO! POCO!
-Chris Miller truly expressing how little Spanish he speaks
“You three are gringos!”
-Mexican Guy on Travis, Chris, and I
“Travis how do you order 2 dos equias?”
“Waiter! Dos Dos Equias!”
“Si!”
“Dude I was kidding.”
-This will really only be funny to kids from the Southwest who grew up with the Dos Equias commercial that asked “how do you order 2 dos equias?” The answer was of course “dos dos equias.” Travis on the other hand decided to ACTUALLY order 2 dos equias. Oh well.
“I’M RICH BIO-TCH!”
-Chris Miller while clutching his first legally purchased case of Corona
“I’ve realized there’s no language barrier that can’t be overcome with enough beer.”
-Chris Miller following our amazing communication skills with a Mexican Bachelor party the night before
“Is ‘Mexican-stripper’ two words or is it hyphenated?”
-Adam following a wild Mexican Bachelor Party we crashed
“OK Adam this is the secret signal for ‘This is a dirty Mexican whore you shouldn’t sleep with. Tap me on the shoulder and say ‘This is a dirty Mexican whore you shouldn’t sleep with.’ OK, Got it?”
-Travis Zander on the ever so subtle ways I was supposed to keep him out of trouble
Adam: “Damn this cover band is really bad.”
Travis: “Tell me about it.”
Adam: “I mean this is like the European Football League of Cover Bands bad.”
-Adam commenting on how bad the band was (that Chris was soon to meet up close and personal)
“Back off mother-fucker!”
-Words delivered by Adam as he decked a drunken ASU frat boy who was BEATING our friend Sarah in the face, as in punching her repeatedly in the face. That is clearly 100% unacceptable and had to be remedied by a right cross by Adam, which took him the fuck down. Wasn’t really a good quote but wanted to brag about how I’m a badass chivalrous night who saves damsels in distress.
(Following our Mexican Bar Fight)
Travis: “DO YOU HAVE HIM?!?! HOLD HIM BACK! DON’T LET HIM GET IN ANOTHER FIGHT!”
Adam: “Yeah I’ve got him!”
(Travis leaves aftermath of bar fight and walks over to attractive blonde girl)
Travis: “Sorry about that, little distraction. I’m sorry in the fight I seem to have forgotten your name.”
Girl: “Your loss isn’t it?”
Travis: “Damn.”
Adam: (screaming) “You’re leaving the fight to hit on a girl?!?!”
-Travis Zander prioritizing during our Mexican Bar fight experience
(Mexican Federale and Policia ‘cops’ approach Adam and Company as we’re leaving the bar following the fight)
Federale: Alto!
Adam: Hola senior!
Federale: Alto! Uno momento. (Translation: Stop. One moment.)
Adam: Si. (yes)
Federale: Problemo? (not really the Spanish word for it but whatever you get the gist)
Adam: “No problemo senior. No problemo. Mis amigos y yo leaving.
(in background 4 people are putting a bloody struggling friend in the car)
Background noise: “I’m going to fucking kill you all!”
“Get in the fucking car!”
“I’m gonna kill you all!”
Adam to federale: (Puts on big smile) “Uh no problema. Mi es un SOBER. No alcohole. Mi ok to drive (makes driving motion with hands). Mis amigos no problema.”
Background noise: “KILL YOU ALL!”
(sound of a bitch slap)
“Get in the fucking car!”
(someone grabs someone else’s throat)
Adam to federale: (Smile grows sheepish) “No problema?”
(at this point the federale pulls handcuffs and a baton and moves me out of the way)
-Adam and company following chaos of bar fight
Adam to Federale: “Here you go our ‘clean-up fee.’” (our bribe)
Federale: (looks at 200 pesos I handed him and come out with two condoms that one of my friends had accidentally included in the bribe): Como?
Adam: “Spring break?” (return of sheepish grin)
Federale: “Ahh muy bien! (big smile)
-Adam’s awkward moment as I was bribing our way out of trouble
“So I guess the question is…is ‘Mexican Bar Fight’ three words or is it hyphenated?”
-Adam’s pondering on our bar fight experience
Chris: “Yeah I got up close and personal with the band.”
Adam: “What do you mean?”
Chris: “I got, you know, thrown into the band during the fight.”
-Chris on how he got to meet the band during our Mexican Bar fight
“Adam you’re my hero, forever!”
-Sarah’s response to me decking the guy who was beating her. Yeah I rule.
Travis: “Yeah I’ve accidentally lit my crotch on fire like three times. Well the crotch area of my pants.”
Chris: “Wow you give a whole new meaning to the term ‘fire-crotch.’”
-Chris Miller making fun of Travis’ misfortunes with fire and his crotch
Adam: “Yeah I’m a snowboarder.”
Travis: “I backpack, rock climb, mountain bike, hike, ski, and snowboard.”
Chris: “Yeah I keep my black ass on the ground.”
-Adam, Travis, and Chris expressing our varying degrees of athleticism
“Dos forties!”
-Travis Zander ordering 40 oz Corona’s at the liquor store. For the record DOS is Spanish and FORTIES is English. But the guy knew what he was talking about.
“We’ll trade you our (Canadian) Prime Minister for your President?”
-Old Canadians who we met and had a lovely amount of discussion with on such issues as politics and investment…and they kept buying us rounds. Sweet. My outlook of Canada has improved 10 fold because of that encountered.
“I’m not sick…I’m just digesting oddly.”
-Adam as he hung over the toilet after ingesting bad seafood
“I told you NEVER ORDER SEAFOOD FROM A NON-SEAFOOD RESTRAUNT!”
-Chris Miller lecturing Adam on seafood rules
Kat: “Wasn’t the fact that the lobster was GREEN AND BLACK a tip-off that it was bad?”
Travis: “Eh we’re from New Mexico, what do we know about seafood?”
-Travis responding on why we ate the Green and Black lobster
“Most girls suck. My advice…find one that doesn’t.”
-Matt’s profound advice on girls. And NO he didn’t mean it literally.
Travis: “Grass on the field? Play ball!”
Chris: “Or if you don’t like playing ball turn over and play in the mud.”
-Travis and Chris on an insanely dirty comment. Figure it out for yourself (hint it has to do with underage girls, something Adam does not partake in)
“Fucking Federales!”
-Travis Zander following his 5th run in with Mexican Law-Enforcement
“Wow BBC news is calm, fair, balanced, accurate and interesting. Shit I can’t handle this for too long…let’s turn on Fox News!”
-Adam commenting on how superior British news is
“Holy shit! They’ve redeployed Geraldo to Afghanistan! Yes! YES!”
-Adam’s joy on discovering Geraldo was back in the thick of things. FUCK YEAH!
“I can only hope and pray for the day when the Geraldo Riveria special edition live from the front lines DVD is released. That will be a great day.”
-Adam waiting for what will be the best DVD EVER.
Adam: “Guys, quiet they’re making an announcement.”
CNN: “We’re receiving word…(crackle)…that the USS Abraham Lincoln has stopped flying missions over Iraq in support of Operation Southern Watch…(static)…missions are now being flown in support of…(pause)…Operation Iraqi Freedom.”
Adam: “Wow Rumsfeld really went out on a creative limb naming that one.”
-Adam commenting on the sheer originality of the new war title. Sheesh, we could have at gone with Gulf War II or something like that.
Adam: “Donde estas el estado unidos?” (Where is the United States)
Mexican Woman: “Norte.” (North)
-Adam’s useful asking for directions
“WHITE AMERICANS SUCK MAN!”
-A Mexican screamed that to us as we were preparing to walk across the border. Seeing as how I’m Asian, Chris is black, I’m pretty sure they were talking to Travis, white and wearing a bigass sombrero.
Chris: “It’s so weird here in Nogales, it’s not like I’m in America.”
Will: “You’re not. Welcome to occupied Mexico.”
-Will on what is so true, the west is pretty much all occupied Mexico
Border patrol: “You American citizens?”
Travis, Chris, Adam, and Will: “Yes.”
Border patrol: “You boys carrying any dope?”
Travis, Chris, Adam, and Will: “Nope.”
Border Patrol: “OK go on through.”
-Passing through what had to be the most stringent immigrant checkpoint EVER 30 miles outside of Nogales. Seriously we could have been packing 30 illegals, 500 kilos of blow, and nuclear explosives and no one would be the wiser. Their drug dog was definitely asleep in the shade.
“Yay! You’re alive!”
-Jodi Barrett’s comments upon my return to GW
Kelly: “Hey! You’re back! I figured you were stranded in Mexico.”
Adam: “Why?”
Kelly: “Well it really did seem like something that you would do.”
Adam: “Thanks.”
-Kelly Shea’s reaction to Adam’s return.
And comments from other people’s Spring Break.
”During my two hour layover in the North Carolina Airport, I saw 5 Starbucks. Seeing as how I only saw 2 of the airport’s 5 terminals and being from the greater Seattle Area I believe I have the authority to say that is extremely fucked up.”
-Kyle F. on the fucked up capitalist expansion of Starbucks
DONE! 6 pages! Thanks for hanging in there!
