So yes postings to Quotes of the Day have slowed, I will admit it. But this is because I'm stuck in crappy Dallas, TX and my social contact with the world has dropped to zero. Nearly all of these conversations were carried out online, as it is my sole form of social interaction remaining. But enjoy these quotes and maybe more will appear someday.
G: Who is your celebrity fantasy?
Adam: Jennifer Garner in the Princess Leia outfit.
Adam: hmm i might have said that a little fast
G: the cinnamon buns? And the white dress?
-Golritz "G" Ahmed and I discussing our celebrity fantasies. I might have put a little more thought into it then I like to admit. But it's hot, you have to admit. By the way Jennifer Gardner is the star of ABC's hit TV show "Alias."
"Right... so what's your celebrity fantasy? Mine is Justin Timberlake post N’Sync or Jeremy Shockey, my friend Adam, has the most interesting one - Jennifer Garner dressed as Princess Leia, what's yours?"
-Golritz "G" Ahmed's away message advertising my dirty little fantasies for all on her buddy list to read.
Adam: woo to the hooo
Erica: oh wow you are a loser
Erica: Adam: woo to the hooo
-Erica Finkle slamming me. You know what the problem is? I be a player, and she be a PLAYER HATER. Don't hate the player, hate the game. Word. G-Unit.
Adam: I like to think of myself as a kind of pioneer
Chris: Pioneer of what exactly? Caucasian Asian slang?
Adam: Boo to the yizzah.
Chris: Oh lord...
-Chris Watson unable to keep up the with my quick witted and ever evolving language skills.
Ed: Go skateboarding and meet friendly people
Ed: You cannot take social ostracism lying down Adam.
Ed: You must have "social ambition." I put that in quotes because I coined the term and love it and use it.
Ed: Be proactive.
Ed: Then again I can't really talk as I never go to Newport because I have no friends there and am too lazy to make them, but you have a different situation.
-Ed trying really hard to cheer me up as I tell him that DALLAS SUCKS. Yeah that's right Texans you read it right, DALLAS SUCKS.
Caitlin: Yet you weigh practically nothing
Caitlin: I hate you
Caitlin: jk
Adam: And yet the masses spend eternity wishing they looked as good as you
Caitlin: That's sweet
Caitlin: The masses?
Adam: You know, the rest of the world
Caitlin: I know, but guys included?
Caitlin: That's kind of odd
Adam: ....JUST TAKE THE DAMN COMPLIMENT
Adam: geeez
-Caitlin Harvey proving her difficulty in taking a damn compliment. Geez I was being a pretty charming guy and BAM. Sigh. Shake head. Whatever.
Adam: I’m going to miss the banquet.
Caitlin: Grrrr
Adam: I already told people
Caitlin: ok
Adam: but im glad my absence elicts a "grr"
Caitlin: Yes, I couldn't bear to be apart from you
-Caitlin Harvey saying, and I quote, "Yes, I couldn't bear to be apart from you." SHE SAID IT! WO-HOO!
"and now an essay on procrastination, it is both my forte and my personal asmodeus. It haunts my every move, with its father laziness, destroys every aspect of my life, when this force is combined with that of demon rum it reaches exponential proportions of slackerdom such that hath not been seen on this earth since the mighty three toes sloth ruled the Paleozoic era."
-Ed, taking the soapbox and saying, well, I don't quite know.
"Making love to unhappy cat."
-Away Message Adam put up for a couple of hours on a whim, but to be clear, NO I WAS NOT ACTUALLY MAKING LOVE TO A CAT. Plus you couldn't prove it if you wanted too. Ha! And it's not like it's a sin...wait damn.
The response's to Adam's away message.
Kelly: sex with animals??
Eric: whoa thats fucked up dood
Andrea: You're making love to a cat? If I were a cat and you were making love to me, I’d be unhappy too.
Hanna: that's kinda gross
Steph: ohhh...sounds dirty. have fun
Andy: well its not going to be any happier if you are making love to it
Will: i dont wanna know
-Thanks to Kelly Shea, Eric Tegtmeier, Andrea Nurko, Hanna, Steph Kluka, Andy Giesler, and Will for their stunningly insightful input into that one.
"ummmm so yeah....this is adam conner's story: adamconner7: my friend got male enhancing cream applied to him by a naked porn star broadcast live on radio while his dad was on the phone. (I figured if I had to hear it, you should too.)"
-Kate's away message. Intrigued about THAT story? Read below.
What follows is a transcript that I recieved from my former neighbor Brian McMath, former intern for the 94 rock FM radio station and current employee. Read on. Trust me you'll enjoy.
Subject: "the best day of my short life EVER"
Yesterday, Thursday, May 22nd, and approximately 8 a.m., history was made at the 94 Rock Morning Show. Here's how it went down:
4:30 a.m.: Go into the 94 Rock studio to check the schedule for the Morning Show to see if it's worth sticking around for.
4:31 a.m.: Realize that adult film star Jessica Drake, star of over 250 films, will be in the studio at about 8 a.m. Decide to stick around for the Morning Show instead of going home and sleeping, for obvious reasons.
7:43 a.m.: Jessica Drake appears at the side entrance to the building. With her is Gene (last name not important), owner of several adult-themed boutiques in Albuquerque. Let them in. Notice Gene is carrying large box of assorted creams, ointments, toys, etc.
8:02 a.m.: While sitting in the 94 Rock studio during a commercial break, hear TJ say, "Erica, Jessica, come here for a minute. Bri, STAY HERE." Feel cold, sinking feeling in pit of stomach.
8:04 a.m.: Three conspirators return to studio as if all is well. Jessica removes her top.
8:05 a.m.: TJ announces on the air that not only will Bri the Former Intern (me) be trying out some of the male-stamina-increasing creams in Gene's box, but that adult film star Jessica will be applying the cream. Nearly hit head on corner of counter en route to the floor.
8:06 a.m: Regain consciousness. Notice that Jessica still has her top off.
8:10 a.m.: Get idea to call my father on the air while this is going on. Give TJ father's work number. Call father and request he stay near his phone for the next few minutes. Father has no idea why, but agrees.
8:14 a.m.: TJ calls my father live on the air and outlines situation to him. Father nearly has laughter-induced anneurism. Ensures me that I have his support all the way.
8:15 a.m.: Given the choice between the spray and the cream, choose cream, for obvious reasons.
8:16 a.m.: Adult film star Jessica Drake rubs male-stamina-increasing cream on my....well...you know....in front of an audience of approximately 8 people, not to mention the thousands listening to their radios at that moment. Rubbing lasts approximately 10 seconds. Stricken with extreme case of stage fright, for obvious reasons. Pull pants back up, face the same color as a newborn baby's spanked butt.
8:17 a.m.: After father nearly has another laughter-induced anneurism, tells me on the air that he's jealous, then must go back to work. Realize that male-stamina-increasing cream is really nothing but very expensive Bengay. Become increasingly uncomfortable due to tingling sensation.
8:18 a.m.: En route to bathroom to wash hands, I am ostracized/made fun of/given thumbs up by everyone I pass on the way. This is to become a common theme for the morning.
8:20 a.m.: After taking pictures with adult film star Jessica Drake, both clothed and non-clothed, see Jessica and Gene out.
8:21 a.m.: Am assured by TJ that my ordeal was probably the funniest stunt pulled on the show in at least ten years.
8:22 a.m. - the time of my death: Not important, as I will never be able to top this. Ever.
Everything I have typed above is completely true and correct, and I have the recording to prove it. This recording will be posted to a website for all to download and enjoy if you so desire. Pictures will soon be available in the Photos section of the www.94rock.com website, probably right next to photos of me dressed as a geisha girl. Anyways, I will alert you all when the recording and photos are available, since I'm sure most of you don't believe me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go outside and scream "I love my job" at the top of my lungs until I lose my voice.
-Brian McMath retelling a story so great that it will go down in history. For shizzle. I join with all here at the Quotes of the Day page in applauding you and your contributions to humanity Brian. I'm so damn proud.
